Day 50: Just A Little Longer May 8, 1862

A wait....thats all that is needed. The last hurtful wait, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, month by month. When is the time for the boys to come home? There needs to be a new group of people, but these 3 guys coming home in a month or two are my heros. No one can ever replace them, and I hope when im older I raise boys just like my Momma did. I can stay strong, and when I see them...im gonna run for miles into their arms. I dont ever want to feel this pain again, the pain of worry, sadness, nervous, anxious and so many more. I miss Philip, but he is in a better place. Yet, I know that if he was still alive he would be just as brave as the other boys. It has been a year since the boys have left, for the first time. Didnt know where they were going, didnt know if they were alright. But now I know, now I know that they are ok and they are doing what is best for their country. I love them so much.

Im running out of room from this journal, I have filled up the journal the boys got me for christmas. So for now, I am going to stop writing and count down to the days till they come home. I hope nothing else goes wrong, and they are able to come home as soon as possible. Eric and Rose are gonna come home later, we are gonna go play and Momma said we can go out in the cow fields. I can think, and the rest of the day is going to be great, and to say the crops are doing great. Poppa finally taught me how to plant the tobacco seeds and such, I think its pretty dang cool but I only got to do it this once. In a couple of months Momma and Poppa are gonna send me off to school to be a proper women. That means when the boys come home, I can only see them for a couple of months. Yet, if this war keeps up Momma says she aint gonna send me, I hope I dont have to go I need to stay home.

The page is filling up, so I have to write my conclusion to this head of adventure and torturous journey. I hope for the best in the next couple of days or years. I will put this in the box where I keep all the letters from the boys, and hopefully one day I will pull this out and it will remind me of how thankful I am and how lucky I am.

~Beth

Day 49: Reassurance, and Movement April 25, 1862

Everyone is moving around, people are moving and they are moving all around. The war is becoming bigger and bigger by the second and I am really beginning not to like this, im not loving life right now. The end of the month is coming near and I still havent heard anything, hopefully something will come later. Mr. Jackson came over and told us that New Orleans is having some issues, they have moved down there. 17 Union ships under the command of Flag Officer David Farragut move up the Mississippi River then take New Orleans, the South's greatest seaport. Everything is changing so much, and its been almost a year since I started writing all of this down. I wish the war would end soon, just imagine all the damage that it is causing. Im hoping there will be something good come out of this.

Later in the day I saw Mike! He didnt look too happy, I asked him why. He said that he has a really good friend who volunteered himself to work in the war. Mike said that, his friend was shot with in the first couple of hours of the war. Hour terrible is that! But he is a hero who ever he was and to say he even volunteered! I gave him a hug and I told him things are gonna get better. I can feel it! I went inside and sat at the table....I stared at it and thought to myself....should I open it? Is it good or bad news? Who was I kidding! I tore that envelope open like there was no tomorrow. It was from the boys! My nightmare did not come true, al though they were in the battle. Nelson said it was a tough battle and by the time it was time to move back home, we were beat. Many of the lives in that camp were killed, and my boys were just lucky to not have gotten shot. I knew I have always had faith in them, they are strong young men and they do have common sense. They know when to stay out of the way, I know they were trained right. Im just glad that they are safe.

~Beth

Day 48: Are They Okay? April 15, 1862

Days and days have gone by, I have been waiting so impatiently to receive any news about the boys. So many thoughts are going through my head, are they okay? Did they fight in the battle? Was anyone hurt? Momma is tryin to calm me down, but I dont know why she aint freakn out either like me. Yet, Momma has always been a calm women and kept her thoughts to herself event though she will speak her mind when it comes to it. I need a letter, I need a reassurance to know that they are ok and that I can breathe. Its been days and days! Hour by hour! I need to see someone, A General to bring bad news, or Mike to knows that a letter has arrived. The line has been drawn, I cant stand this tension anymore, I cant stand waiting here any longer to see my brothers. I hope they know that I love them and care about them and that right now my whole world revolves around them.

I dont want to say any more goodbyes.

~Beth

Day 47: A Bloody Battle April 7 1862

Its been a couple of days since I wrote another. News is going around every where and I dont know exactly what its about, but a battle in Shiloh has started. The confederate forces attacked Union forces under General Ulysses S. Grant at Shiloh, Tennessee. By the end of the day, the federal troops were almost defeated. Yet, during the night, reinforcements arrived, and by the next morning the Union commanded the field. When Confederate forces retreated, the exhausted federal forces did not follow. There were many deaths sadly, and there was also a chance that the boys may have fought in this battle. I am really hoping that they arent part of those death lists. I cant afford to loose another brother, I didnt deserve to lose Philip. The battle is still going on today, and I dont know when its gonna end. I hope I hear from the boys soon! I hope they are all right. I hope the Union doesnt win, we need to win to put our voice out there and we need to be heard. Even though I have said that these people dont have common sense anymore, we need our slaves and we need the expansion on slavery. I hope things change for the good.

~Beth

Day 46: Fighting Time? March 20, 1861

Many things have been picking up, ever since Nelson said that they are being moved to Tennessee. That means something is going on, I hope not another battle. Oh no! not another battle....if they're being recruited there then that means.....they will be fighting! Oh no! Oh no! so many thoughts just went through my head. No, that nightmare is gonna come true, not this cant be happening! Im gonna be worried at all times till they come home, ah! Poppa came in this morning and told me that President Lincoln-- impatient with General McClellan's inactivity -- issued an order reorganizing the Army of Virginia and relieving McClellan of supreme command. McClellan was given command of the Army of the Potomac, and ordered to attack Richmond. This marked the beginning of the Peninsular Campaign. General ended up losing his command. There was a little battle, but no one got hurt or anything so everything was ok. I hope everything turns out all right and that President Lincoln replaces him quick.

Day 45: 3 Months March 10, 1862

I finally received a letter from the boys the other day and things to keep taking a turn.

Dear Family,

Sorry we havent written back in a couple of months, the camp has been puttin us back to good conditions and we have just been busy and the boys and I havent been able to sit down and write a letter. Everythin is doing alright, but all the boys agree that they miss home and that they wished the holidays didnt end. We love you Momma and Poppa and we are so glad we were able to come home and see you guys. Some of the Generals say that we can come home permanetly in a couple of months. Most likely sometime in June or July as long as nothing bad goes bad and something comes up. General said that they are gonna go out and collect new people to train and such, weve been here long enough. They are recruiting us out to Tennessee so we will not be able to write for awhile. So that means Beth, do not respond to this because we will not get it. I hope everythin is well back home, its almost time to start the tobacco plantin right? well good luck wish we could help. Hope everythin is doing alright, love you all.

Nelson

It makes me sad that I can not respond back, but its good that I have finally heard from them.

~Beth

Day 44: Almost a Year March 2, 1862

In a couple of months, it will mark a year since they came and recruited my brothers to start their training and a year since I started writing all of this. Hopefully a year will be a enough, and the boys will be home permanently. Lets just hope, I wish I could get a letter its been quite some months since I got one. I really hope everything is ok and that they are doing alright since I havent heard from them. Hopefully Momma will let me respond immediately when I receive the letter and they will get it. The snow is starting to melt away and its almost time to start to turn the soil to prepare the process of the tobacco growing. I hope Poppa will let me help, I am 12 and I am fully am a loud to help out. Since we are short slaves, I think Poppa will let me and plus its good to know in the future just in case in my husband does this stuff. But thats way in the future, we dont have to worry about that right now. Staying positive these days and just keeping my head held up high and I know we will make it.

~Beth